Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
