Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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