No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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