There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He better not be in your backpack
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
