As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
