Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
