I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
