oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
