good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
