TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
