Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
