dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
