Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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