Dual....:-)
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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