Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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