dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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