Best friends brother. Beat that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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