Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
