I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
