I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
