how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
