I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
