dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
