The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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