i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
