Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
