i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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