I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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