I am spending my child support on dildos
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
