so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize