May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
