I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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