so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
