So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
