I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
