I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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