i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
