Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
