my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
