Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
