I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
