I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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