hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
