oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
