i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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