Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
