Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
