Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
