And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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