like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
