I'm eating all of the evidence.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
