its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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