i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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