Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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